CHANGE

Comfortably Numb

2011-08-07T09:10:00.004+05:30

That unfathomable feeling of not having left the campus, despite having been at home for over two months, is finally beginning to dissolve. Very similar to the first time I came to Pilani, I have fresh memories of the summer holidays: full of laughter and laziness.

I was totally enervated even before I began this final voyage but was mentally invigorated by three numbing images.

Looking at the clock on the platform through the Airport Express metros: slick and secreting the suaveness hormone.

Clouds chasing each other in the burning sky, behind the unaware tree silhouettes as I listened to One Republic: 'I loved you with a fire red now it's turning blue'

And a purge of emotions as the stone revealed 'PILANI 21' in the lightning: beautiful rain.

Waking up from a peaceful sleep and looking around, the familiar buildings and rooms, I can't help but think that maybe I've not been away for so long after all :)

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that life seems more vegetated here yet full of joie de vivre; more stoic yet poignant; more nostalgic and yet home-like. Maybe its just that I enjoy the feeling that I belong here unlike the transitoriness at home.

Somewhere I belong.

Overcoming inhibitions

2011-07-22T00:23:00.002+05:30

I was literally scared of talking with a few people, why I don't know. I called it shyness for a long time or Autism (just to sophisticate.) I met a few class girls yesterday; the same people I would have run away from a few years ago. And I realized how very normal they were, that I was very foolish to get scared! Missed quite a lot of fun at school :)

I saw that the junior batches had more bonding within the class on an average - yes! you're right: messenger, cellphones, Facebook/Orkut... the same things which helped me to re-connect :D

Thoughts of a newbie ...!

2011-07-20T22:42:00.004+05:30

Its been a year now....

I still smell the fresh lush green grass and the blue waters of Bangalore. The weather,friends, traffic, streets, adventures, training sessions and office..! I miss those days..!

Initial Phase

It was during December and I was tagged to my first project @office.

Being a part of my team @work was never great, in the initial stages. May be because I was a neophyte or may be I was the youngest resource, also I wasn't an extrovert the first few days.

I was jealous.............. (The J factor thats mostly seen in kids), jealous when my friends talked hours together about their outings & the kind of fun they had with their team.

I almost would have become an introvert and gloomy, such were the days!!

Reason :

*I used to have my lunch alone and would wait eagerly to meet my pals whose timings would clash with

those of mine and, it was a pathetic period of time for me.

*Being the only one @ my project (none of my friends with me) was like addition of oil to the already lit

fire.

*@home I would spend a few minutes with grandfather and then I go .. off to bed.
I Could never expect mom's company , as she was busy and tired by then.

*I did spend a month or two in solitude. The kind that I did not want to be in.

*The more I expect for something, the less of it I received.

Aww .. I just couldn't get over those feelings.

Latter Phase

Well .. apart from my team mates, I have some trustworthy, broadminded and fun loving gang of friends whose words flattered and enlightened me with certain facts.

May be I actually knew the facts of life, a few of which I follow and few others which I don't.

To follow those that I hardly did was mandatory for me and also the key factor which kept me moving even during tough times.

Humans are designed or programmed, such that, they can adapt themselves to any kind of situation on earth.

It did take time for me to recover and adapt my self....

Adapt myself .. to the new work env,

new mates,

new place ,

an undoubtedly tough place for an extrovert like me.

Work place did teach me to be an introvert ( this I am, only @ my cubicle :D !!) which is very necessary in Corporate world!

In no time I got close to my team mates and we had fun being @office inside our cubicles @ our desks.

We became great bench-mates I would say, provided we were in a school :P.

We had gone for a team lunch two months ago and that was my first and last outing till date.

Being with my team has taught me to be a better person, in many ways.

Learnings .. Aftermath

.. to live life even when alone.

to laugh out whenever possible.

to be a part of those who are energetic, fun loving and positive.

to accept the fact that past is sweet to just visit it and not to live in it.

to make the best use of time.

Spend time by being with school friends (they are the closest among all pals), reading, with hobbies, with family but with positive energy around.

and TO ACCEPT CHANGE WHOLEHEARTEDLY

My only request...

To : Positive Energy,

is ..

... Stay by my side always.. !

From : A Learner who was once a Newbie.

PS: Many who are a part of my life, play a crucial role, especially for having brought out the best in me. I shall always be thankful to them!

Letting it go

2011-07-20T13:31:00.001+05:30

To what extent can you tolerate the annoying habits of your friends? Imagine giving the straightforward and churlish neighbor a tight slap, the parsimonious childhood friend a huge birthday bill... ah the sadistic pleasure it generates. Unnecessary, not needed at all...

All of us find one or the other habit in others which is annoying and which apparently seems to spoil the relation. But how many of us ourselves will be ready to change just because one or two people (however close a person, he or she still counts as only one) find that something about us annoys them? Imagine, when we quite enjoying ourselves, people come and tell that we are being mean and selfish; that it is all our fault.

As long as we are not being annoying on purpose, it is absolutely fine to retort or ignore. If we realize that we are at fault, there is no other go but capitulate to change. Although we seem to be the compromising party, we gain immensely as far as emotional maturity is concerned. Also, it is a signal for us that we ought to leave behind certain things which no longer make sense. So what if he is straightforward? His words don't seem churlish any more. I don't care even if it does!

That's the story so far as the self is concerned. What do you do when you encounter such people or situations? Do you turn idealistic and start a lecture that might turn the relation sour? Or do you salvage your pride and let them go until they realize on their own? Both will work! But to people who have been great friends in the past, letting them go is a better option.

To friends, old and new.

PS. Till a few months ago, I used to find absolutely irritating the common tendency in friends to disparage people or be cynical to the extent of making bad things happen or like my dear friend, furiously try to show that they are better. Just wondering why these actions are not having an impact anymore :)

This maturity plus controlled temper make a formidable combination.

So, what is love?

2011-07-18T22:02:00.003+05:30

All of us come across this question, don't we? Most of us try to find out the meaning ourselves because, like many other things in life, it doesn't have fixed answers and tends to be objective (unless you are intrepid enough, to put faith in filmy love). So here's my diagnosis:

Feeling close to some people

Most of our teenage love stories start this way. We like talking specifically with one person, spending time with them and agreeing with anything they say. However, pure though it maybe, it is naive and one or the other person grows out of the relation.

But there is hope in this one. How many times haven't we heard of people marrying their old classmates and the like?

Helping each other out

What better than a friend who patiently listens to your troubles and shows you the path ahead; every single time you need help. You trust him/her from the point of forgetting to say "Don't tell this to anyone!" to the extreme of "Oh my god! You won't believe what just happened."

But again it is not all that successful unless well-planned out. Careers are sacrificed, proximity is prioritized and family gets a push over and it still works; only because it wasn't meant to fail.

So, what is love?

From whatever little understanding I have had, love is ultimately about finding that one person who makes you think that everything with them would be perfect and only you would know who that is. That inner thought, subconscious feeling or whatever it is, will guide you. It is both futile and cowardly to ignore it.

There is, however, one concern for the urbane mind. Assuming that you are no philanderer, how do you know which of your 'likes' will be a perfect match for you? With the friends I have grown up, dating is a no-no but that definitely needs to change. Analyze to realize that it is a win-win situation.

Love, like life itself, will yield new meaning each time we try to decipher it; which is why it is universally accepted as an integral part of life.

I had a dream yesterday; you were in it.
We both were crossing a road and
I was guiding you putting a hand around your shoulder.
Will you believe me? I could feel my hand on you.
It was real.

Loose control

2011-07-14T20:54:00.000+05:30

For a very long time I have abstained myself from getting angry and was equable even when my fingers gave away. The price I paid for the emotional control was quite high and mostly in time. Either taking time to cool down or gather patience or virtually torture the person. So, I simply avoided things which I didn't like or which upset my mood.

But in the last few days, it has been excessively difficult to control and the main reason for that being traffic. Whether I've learnt to find faults with others' driving or they are driving senselessly by habit, these veterans respond faster to abuses then the horn or indicator. Provoked by their vulnerability, I would stare into their eyes and "beep". But I've kept a controller in place: if its kids or women on the bike I won't say a thing. Unless, the driver is foolish enough to find fault with me. He, he.

Empty thoughts

2011-05-14T00:26:00.000+05:30

As far as I could imagine, I did. I never thought this day would ever come, ever!

Facing it is has been even more difficult and shattering.

The people whom you've spent a large part of the last FOUR YEARS will not be available as sidees, wingies or redi-companions anymore. We would meet, no doubt, but not here. We would crack jokes on one another but not sitting like Greek gods with backs rested against the walls. We would call each other but not by blasting the door or calling out nicknames.

This is something beyond friendship, brotherhood, neighborhood, etc. Name, place, animal, thing; all falling as one giant tear drop: nostalgia.

Is it over? Is it really over? It feels so incomplete.

psenti..

Lorem Ipsum

2010-10-26T21:00:00.000+05:30

Informalz creation

Motherjane

Sandwoman

Vishal

Day 4, OASIS 2010

2010-10-26T02:58:00.001+05:30

The penultimate day. A time when events start decreasing in number and the enthusiasm rises one last time. Today's big three:

Razzmatazz
Bhayanak Maut
Motherjane

Razzmatazz

The first round, where teams performed on songs they practiced for, was absolutely fantastic. The right choice of songs and the fluid moves earned them the crowd support and votes. Some of the colleges were truly a class apart and this event was definitely a great platform for them to display their talent.

The second round's performance was also really good and it was really difficult to tell each team from the other. Teams usually faltered at the random songs section but it was smooth as honey this time. The final round having an unknown song plus props exposed some teams while others unleashed their creativity and entertained everyone. Like every year Razzmatazz was awesome.

Motherjane
I had backed out of Bhayanak Maut and was also in half a mind to sell the ticket for Motherjane's show. But then I had a feeling it was going to be okay, after all they are India's #1 rock band. Pumping up hopes we went and occupied the seats in the balcony (which was one big mistake) wanting to listen to some good numbers. What we saw and heard was simply stunning.

Although I did not find the lyrics to be catchy (nor the tunes) they had given a great performance. The lead guitarist, Baiju, made all the difference. His fingers moved on the guitar as if peeling a sugar cane stick and people just waved down to him after each song. Vocalist wasn't bad either but he needn't have asked anyone to join their fan page/group on Facebook!

The best part really was their face paint and also the universal appeal their band name had. They have won quite a few laurels and are popular in some parts of the world. Hope they continue to do so. The only thing they should have perhaps done was to sing some popular numbers but they stuck to their own music. (both pros and cons to this)

Back to routine
Tomorrow's the last day and for the Department of Spectators the last event is the fashion parade. I found it totally boring in the second year, let's see if there's any change ;)

Day 3, OASIS 2010

2010-10-25T05:14:00.001+05:30

Although I decided to say good night at 3 itself, KC came knocking into my room and we chatted lots of shit: how movies should have ended, girls, movie stars and gen lachcha. KC's basic agenda was to stay awake long enough to wield another cancer stick. So, it was once again 5 by the time sleep took over.

Change of theme
It was a Sunday and on top of that I was very tired, but yet woke up at 9! Today's theme was to just go out there and do whatever we could. We started with Wordstock (Uday and I) and then the movie quiz (Ravi and Mod) and then went to Tarang.

Tarang
It started with a heart touching "sadho re". Then a Miss Ultrasonic came in and sang this; people had to literally close their ears to save themselves from the damage her sharp voice was inflicting. And just after that it was BITS Pilani's turn...

I remembered the superb performance given by them in 2k8 edition and had high expectations. But unfortunately it was disappointing, maybe because of the choice of songs. Teams should be choosing songs that would definitely strike a chord with the junta instead of trying to make them like something new.

Salsa
Well dance workshop is definitely among the things one shouldn't miss during OASIS. They teach you the basic steps and you've got to try and learn them. So, Bosco Caesar was teaching us some jive and salsa. It was fun :)

Vishal-Shekar
What do I say? There was the euphoric feeling around the Audi and we waited quite sometime in the lawns, some more time on the benches and finally in the queue. Like any good show this was going to start late and the crowds were hysteric. But soon euphoric turned to Euphoria :(

It began with an awesome rendition of "Mar Jawaan" by Shruti Pathak. Vishal-Shekar's entry was met with great cheering and they were just too good together on the stage ;) The quality started waning after the first few songs. I mean they are good composers and all but their foray isn't singing and they couldn't really hold it. Half-way through I called it quits and rest is lorem ipsum.

Mr. and Ms. OASIS
Avoid! The hype and the performances of the audiences were actually good but the organization was bad, was terrible. Their jokes were worse than the guy at the Blackberry kiosk (who by the way was trying out Punjabi songs tonight)

And its very cold tonight. Despite having seen worse weather, I had never quite appreciated what lying-in-the-warm-comfort-of-my-bed meant. Tonight I finally do.

Quarter past 5 in the morning.

Day 2, OASIS 2010

2010-10-24T03:21:00.001+05:30

Finally the dance workshop feat got revealed, although much later than expected, and my lunch was spent defending the rather brave move. A drowsy afternoon followed and the evening was as uneventful as it could be. Our theme for today was to do nothing.

11: 00 PM
After fighting over each others' looks Ravi, KC, Uday and I began our nightly hunt. Moving out from RP Bhawan was in itself an achievement; the insides of the hostel and rooms don't make you feel like going anywhere else... especially on a holiday. Our itinerary included a visit to:

FD 2 QT
D,C Lawns
ANC
Nutan

@Blackberry kiosk

We decided to give the host a second chance and he proved himself worthy for a while. Dunno if it was our timing but the same task was being given as yesterday: guys have to enact an item song. Today's song was Ringa Ringa and the performances were laudable. However, our hero, dressed in yellow, dragged it and re-played the song several times over. We learnt a new mantra there:

Black-berry
Black-berry
berry berry
Blackberry

Four musketeers
This has been the worst part of the day: standing in C Lawns with nothing to do except pulling each other's leg and assuring each other of brighter things in life. The moment you are in such a situation it is time to break-up and do something... something radical. So, we occupied a tent enjoying a cheese burst from the Domino's stall.

Rajasthani corner
The food did the magic and we felt more certain of ourselves. By far the best initiative taken at OASIS so far: an entire loop in the C Lawn stalls was dedicated to the traditional Rajasthani folk. Magic, Palmistry, Bangles and Betting. Cots lay in the middle with a bonfire (it was quite cold today) and it looked like a village in itself. It was impressive.

Today's missed chances:

The outsti girls looked pretty friendly but none of us took the step forward #FAIL
Treasure hunt. All Gappan's fault: he was messaging in sudden fits asking us to register but not showing up himself.

Sleep wins today. Until tomorrow then.

Lorem Ipsum.

3 AM

OASIS 2010

2010-10-23T04:04:00.005+05:30

~The night is the new day~

Well this post is definitely not out of psenti feelings or for people feeling psenti. These are the initial experiences of my second edition of OASIS and how they map to the first one. Fourth year and just two editions you say? Don't you laugh. There are those who are just seeing their first and even those who haven't seen any (despite being on-campus.)

Psenti-OASIS
Perhaps because I have never really involved (or been involved) in the cult fest I find my fist whenever someone utters the word psenti and attaches it with the fest. So, today on the day of inaugural, I decided to stay away from the maddening crowds. Luckily I had company in the wing and we ditched the inaugural. But its not hard to guess what would've happened:

bigger and better
heroic entries of the StuCCAns
mime
bigger and better
dance and of course,
"The 40th edition promises to be bigger and better than ever before!"

First OASIS

The coming-of-age. I say that because it gave me everything I ever wanted on campus: friends to hang out with. All of us were in the Audi Force (a department for superheroes) and our job was to make sure no explosives, narcotics or match boxes went inside. And once inside we had to ensure no one caused trouble.

On the one hand, we had to be careful that we don't show up in the media footage: shepherding people or even worse, checking them; and on the other, deal carefully with the outstation participants, especially the fairer sex. We managed it quite well in the end.

OASIS 2008 ended and so did the train of holidays that followed it; but I never recovered from the celebration mood. To me it was like a festival that refused to end. Thus began the bitsian transformation:

idling
chatting
movies
purposelessness

Life really changed with just those four days and if there was one thing which came out unscathed it was restlessness! I had to restrain myself many times from regretting certain things. Somehow, I ended up doing only what I wanted to do. I still don't know if that is right or wrong. All I know is that it is foolish trying to do everything on your own.

Fortieth OASIS

And now, two years later, I stand in front of a similar-looking OASIS. Technically the participation has increased, the organizing team looks promising (being our batch) and it is definitely bigger than ever before.

We went hunting for food around 11. On first sight, the campus looked like a fair, and it took just a few seconds to catch the OASIS fever. We tried to make fun of the host at the Blackberry booth but looked like people did really enjoy his jokes. Pitying them we made our way to C lawns and then to the humble abode of ANC.

Although I was decidedly sleepy after downing two ice-cream shakes, the superhero friends I made back then dragged us to Nutan. We talked wittily about how winter always comes in with the fest and mockingly about how the first-timers could enjoy OASIS.

Ironically, it was peaceful seeing the cars, the people and the chaos. As I reached the room, sleep transpired to thoughts and worded this post. What doing now? I sit in my room blogging, wondering how unreadable the EPC edition (Lorem Ipsum :P) would be tomorrow. 4 AM. Insomnia!

~The night is the new day~

Children of Heaven

2010-10-21T21:22:00.038+05:30

I have often been in a situation when I just don't know what to do: not sleepy, not interested in reading nor in chatting. For the first time I could get myself to think and what I really wanted to do was watch a soothing film. I decided to give Majid Majidi's Children of Heaven a try (keeping a romantic movie in buffer... just in case)

But not for a minute did I minimize the window or check the time remaining .

The movie takes you in completely and familiarizes so much with the characters that you begin to sympathize with them. It reminded me of:

School (especially the primary days)

the benches,
the games and
the reaching-in-time :D

AND

My brother (anybody with an elder brother would feel the same)

for seeing things straight
for all the running around and
for the care :D

A sweet movie with its heart in place; can jerk tears if yours too is.

A strange parallel

2010-10-16T12:02:00.000+05:30

Film-making and Entrepreneurship.
These are two electives (in no particular order) that I've taken up this semester and they have become a strong part of my passion. The classes and teaching methods for both the courses are unique and captivating.

Drawing parallels has been a favorite hobby of mine for as far as I can remember. While some of them just reflect imagination, others immaturity.

Don't go down the path of maturity. Rather choose creativity...

This has become my talisman for the past few days and although I do not fully appreciate it, there is a sense of power behind it. Paradoxically, one has to go down the path of maturity to be able to advice it.

Here is something you begin with for a start-up: you have an idea and you are addressing a problem; which is no different from the plot of the movie.
The executive summary when first submitted talks of a single point being addressed, not of all the problems in the world. A filmmaker begins the journey with short-films which again tries to address something specific.
The details one has to work out before actually being able to take a shot: sound, camera, lights, action, etc. While shot is an unit of film, product is the unit of a start-up. One has to think about the various aspects for developing it: market, pricing, marketing, technology, etc.

Note:

Those who understand Algorithms, as superficially as I do, would be immediately concluding that everything actually falls into it.

You are given a problem (or identify one)
You write the data structures (details of a shot or aspects of a product)
You design the algorithm (shot or product)

And finally execute it (film or start-up)

Are you happy?

2010-10-04T21:46:00.020+05:30

[This is an edited version of the original which is embedded in the title link]

Being happy doesn't mean the person gets over feelings of negativity, sadness or being hurt. Its an internal state achieved through realizing one's dreams/goals.

1. Happy people are self-motivated – Happiness is a state of mind. You are what you choose to be.

2. Happy people see the glass half empty and not half full – Who said glass being empty was the litmus test for optimism let alone happiness.

3. Happy people gain inspiration from others – The happier we are, the more we try to see how we can be better. And who else but the people around us to teach.

4. Happy people laugh even in the dire circumstances – How many times doesn't it happen that we laugh and suddenly start wondering what we were so upset about?

5. Happy people think – They do not relax just because they are happy, they try to think beyond their emotions and situations.

Well its just an abstract way of looking at posts which try to re-iterate what we already seem to know.

4th year

2010-10-04T21:36:00.018+05:30

Four reasons why fourth year shall remain the best one (although its been just two months):

Friends who your days wouldn't go without;
Better understanding of what we want;
The grown-up feeling (from inside);
Learning to overcome the failures

Note: I'm sure this would change in a month.

The difference between infatuation and love

2010-03-30T21:10:00.007+05:30

So for the past few days I was caught in two, three, four... minds about who it should be (and not why)? Well there is a reason I had to explore this because saying you like too many girls creates the bad impression that you are unstable, not trustworthy, etc.

Keeping busy with exams or some work, the mind suddenly wanders by providing answers to many different things that we did not understand earlier. This is the mind's way of asking for a break! And they are better written down aren't they, because we tend to forget more things when we are wide awake than in deep sleep! So, here goes.

Note: This theory says that when you are able to explain why you like a person, it is infatuation; if you cannot explain why, then it is love. It has powerful implications, so use it only if you are fully convinced.

Theory:

High ability of explanation for liking a person implies infatuation. The magnitude of explanation is measured by K:[0,100].

Corollary:

Low K-value means love, approximately K:[10,40]
K = 0 suggests arrange(d) marriage
K = 100 suggests arrange(d) marriage and divorce(d)

Assumptions:

'like' is a common attribute for both love and infatuation.
Brain is the most important sex organ.
Minimum two people to test and homosexuality is ruled out.
The weight-age used is dependent on the number of reasons. 10, 20 or 30 per reason are the usual measures but it should be the same for the different people being checked for infatuation or love.

Proof (by example):

I saw a stunning photo of a girl the other day and every time Chrome opened I would automatically navigate to see her again and again... With the Bitsian habit of logging in every once in a while to check if anything new is happening, if anyone can be bugged/poked/commented/tagged, etc; you can only imagine the number of times the page might have been visited :D

So, basically I was able to clearly explain why I 'liked' her:

she was cute and beautiful
her sweet voice, conversations and aura
could feel a swooping sensation in my stomach :D

Given a weight-age of 30 to each explanation, my K-value = 90. These explanations come rather logically indicating the use of brain. With the assumption #2 that brain is the most important sex organ, we can further tell that infatuations sometimes comprise of another indicator 'lust'.

So biologically, brain is responsible for infatuation and as we will see in a few moments the heart for love.

Now considering another person whom I like but cannot think of any reason as to why I really like her. My only reasons is:

I like talking with her (so what? I like talking to a lot of people, even guys :P -- but that would violate the assumption #3 of heterosexuality)

K-value of 30 in this case (as per assumption #4 we should use the same value per reason for every different person). You just love, there's no explanation as to why you love.

So, in this case even if I apply my brain, I'm not able to come up with a reason as to why I really like her. Heart is more dominant for love to occur.

Hence, proved.

Application:
This theory works well only after 'liking' a person, both boy and girl. It will be able to tell you who you are actually in love with!

Recommendation:

Make peace with infatuation and pursue love.

Limitations:

Cannot be used to argue with parents since there is an issue with

anything closely related to rating (isko chey, usko dekh... das!!, etc.)
the filmy touch this theory apparently has

Conclusion:

(As Bollywood says) hamesha apni dil ki suno.

Links for further study:

[1] http://www.selfcreation.com/love/infatuation.htm

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

One

2010-03-30T16:11:00.003+05:30

One Photo jisney dil ka haal badal diya,

One Person jise mein bhool nahi saktha,

One Friend jiskey saath shaitani kar saku

And in pyaar bind them all

From the land where the Summers addle brains

Just another day

2010-03-30T00:35:00.004+05:30

29th March, 2010: Is the date so special today that I had to mention in bold? Special? Well no not really, it has been just another day. The following however will remain with me for a while:

The early morning study for exam and the exam itself.
The classes after that; felt a little more broad in the classes today... stopped hating a teacher!
The uninterrupted walk from SWD to Accounts division.
The mango shake, badam milk and the two lemon juices which I gulped in one go.
The clearing of thoughts with my doing what I thought was correct: logically, mentally, emotionally, etc.
The evening walk to the temple where heads turned at my sober look.
The long talk on the phone with a friend to whom I spoke as shamelessly as possible (asap)

Also, the half-asleep half-awake state in which I came till this far in the night and now feel I should have slept earlier (darn)

So, for all the insomniacs, what were the top seven moments of your day?

That's a different story altogether

2010-03-29T00:10:00.003+05:30

There was a time when letter-writing caught my fancy and I was so fascinated and kicked about it. I really loved writing letters, long ones, on the pin-pages torn from class notes. That was class 8th and 9th when I used to write letters to Akshay Chandrasekhar. Not love obviously! Gay, you say? I did not know so much then, in fact the first time I came to know about homosexuality was after class 12; also, I discovered that making gay jokes can be considered cool sometimes. But unknowingly in 8th I called a class girl "lesbian" and the next year she left school! That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, letters...

I had this kind of feeling that the best way to converse with people who are distant or even near, is through letters. So, I was like this grandmother who refused to use the grinder for making dosa dough because she believed that using a stone and manually grinding prodcued better dosas and finished her daily dose of exercise as well. Grandmothers are smart aren't they? They'd tell their sons or daughters: "I will not be going for my daily walk today... I've made dosa dough..." That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, connecting...

Well yes, letters were awesome but the responder need not always feel so. My letters went to increasingly more number of people: Lionel, Dhruv Sharma, Jay Shankar and it continued to Akshay. The following were the recorded responses:

*People*	*Response*
Lionel	2 for the 2 letters I sent
Dhruv	1 for the 1 letter I sent
Jay	0 for the 1 letter I sent
Akshay	One 3-page letter for every two 10-page letters I sent!!

I had once written a 31-page long letter to Akshay, about which he also doesn't know because I did not post it. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, responding...

Since there was minimal response towards letters I felt a little hurt that there was no proper repsonse. Akshay, in fact even mentioned on the phone that it is better to talk since he had exams and he couldn't spend time writing letters. I hid the tears from my voice and wondered if I didn't have exams. It makes me think even today sometimes, am I the only one having all the time in the world and the desire to reconnect? That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, parting...

So I stopped writing to him, but I couldn't stop writing! So I started to write to myself! Every night at 10 PM after my dinner, I went to my table and removed the ink pen from the desk drawer and used to finish writing before my Grandfather came back after taking his dose of post-dinner tablets. Those diary entries are the sweetest of my memories. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, writing...

Soon, SMS came to play. I could reconnect and this time I could write through the phone and it was so simple, it was so conversational, I loved it. For a full month in the early days of tenth class I was spending every evening texting Akshay who was in Thane and promptly responded. He is fond of technology I believe. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, SMS...

But like technology happiness comes at a price. At his end the bills that his father now had to pay because he was texting all day. Apparently he was not just connecting with me, unlike me who by that time lost out touch on all others, but a host of friends throughout the day. At my end the joy was short-lived because I had to concentrate on stuff I was hardly understanding at the early-morning classes of Bhat Sir. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, technology...

So after that there was no texting, no letter writing. It was only academics and I thought the writing will sleep for a long time now. But little did I know that the love for writing was such that I was unconsciously writing without my knowledge. How, you ask? Through the running class notes that I had to write! You know when we love doing something, we do it without feeling it and automatically assigning it the highest priority. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, notes-taking...

After 12th I made my first official e-mail ID and started giving it out to people. For a long time there were no mails in my inbox but soon I started receiving mails or what I thought was mails. They were actually IMs sent offline. Yet, I was instinctive and the writing opened up in mails as well. It was great to start writing mails and receiving some or the other reply. It was faster than letters, but it was easier to look beyond the words written in hand than the words keyed in. How do we do it? That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, instant messaging...

When I entered Pilani I knew that mails and SMS would be the only way to connect to people but I still couldn't gauge how connecting to lots of people and re-connect with lots more was to be easier. Following our Vice-Chancellor's advice I started writing letters to my mom and my sister and it was really a great feeling writing from such a distance to close ones. I was also about to write a letter to my brother but that need never came, because I was in a situation that I couldn't stay without talking to him everyday. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, Pilani...

The place transformed me. I suddenly refused to talk with friends, refused to write to anyone, refused to speak, refused food. It was only studies for a while and although I was not a topper by any means, I made sure I understood and worked hard if I didn't. Its not about getting grades and scoring above average, it is about getting the subject and learning from your mistakes. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, transformation...

It was the sophomore year and for the first month it was no different than first year. At least to me, because I was still running around trying to join some club or the other, I once again wrote the EPC entrance test. Things changed however with my getting selected into the Computer Science Association. The mails we received from the seniors then, were so awesome. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, change...

I loved writing mails now, loved receiving them too and loved to poke humor, wit, management and leadership in between the lines. Did it come naturally? was hard to say. Was it original? was difficult to say it was; since they were inspired from other mails more often than not. Was it fun? You could've as easily asked, am I in love? That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, love, oh, oops, e-mails...

Starting from reports of lectures to the minutes of meetings, of PS 1 industry-academia daily diary entries, of thoughts, of actions, of people, of rain, of life; like the way DiCaprio writes it all down in his Basketball Diaries. Some fans would know that my first post on this blog was inspired by that movie! That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, starting...

So when I started writing this 'post' it was actually an e-mail in reply to a friend who quoted the previous mail as very heart-warming and creative. I got her reply so soon from such a distance; I got the replies of alumni sitting in various states of America, of documentary-screening channels from their centers in Delhi, of hundreds of messages that I am now storing in my phone which I usually would have deleted. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, receiving...

The mails of today are the letters of yesteryear. So put in all the formality, all the love, happiness, hatred, wit, humor, sarcasm in your mind and let the words come through; because the words express themselves when you let them flow, just like your writing shows your mood, your feelings, etc it in your letters. That's a different story altogether... so where was I? Hmm, ah, letters...

A Night to Remember

2009-12-31T23:36:00.004+05:30

When we initially planned out a Happy New Year party two weeks ago I was in serious doubt as to how much we would enjoy with such heavy plans. I felt there would be wastage of food, of drinks, of music (since nobody may dance) and more importantly, of energy (spent in planning the whole thing out). I was wrong on all counts except the food part; if two pizzas, chips and a few liters of soft drink count.

Man, it was great fun to groove with the classmates and I surprised myself with a few strange moves and could be seen clicking away so many pics that people got annoyed :)

There are a few lessons to be learnt from tonight:

To lose inhibitions: No point fearing!
Eat well, Drink well, Talk well: Enthusiasm is a prerequisite for life!
Offer to clean up: More often than not the parties end up being arranged at home, so help the host to put things back in order!

Here is to a great year 2010. Lots of things are about to change!

As I turn twenty

2009-12-28T00:55:00.004+05:30

Well, a post out of nowhere. I've always wanted to write so much about how I feel, but then, when some one pointed out that personal rant won't be productive, I succumbed. I did not feel like writing anymore! Not that I've been able to write anything of use but I sorely miss the mental satisfaction gained each time a post was published. Here I am, to cherish the same feeling after four long, eventful months.

That's the change I've undergone the entire year: I treaded off the path only to find that I had been on the right path all along. Got lost. But realized and worked out the path all over again.

There is so much to learn from failures and change is induced with each new failure: Failing made me stronger. There is a lot of difference when we do things after actually comprehending what they are.

In another way: unless and until I am able to justify why I believe in what I do, I would not believe in myself. Hope this serves as a new foreword to the posts hereafter.

Which room is Mine?

2009-08-12T16:31:00.002+05:30

Its a new semester, and being in third year was a different feeling altogether. The excitement could not be scarred even a trifle despite the neck-breaking cab journey to Pilani.

So, we were to reside in Krishna Bhawan for the year. Few days into the semester all of us greeted each other near VK (the hostel in second year) with a grin on the face. Each of us got so used to being in VK that we always headed towards it after a class in the institute. Some of us even went till our old rooms and came back shaking our heads seeing somebody else inside.

Looks like it would take a few days to adjust :)

Open close

2009-07-28T11:38:00.002+05:30

I stood in front of a mirror thinking about what would be

I close my eyes and I open them,

I could see dreams come true,

Not just good but the bad ones too:

"You will be okay"

Deep breath and I try to look back

I close my eyes and I open them,

I see the memories I treasure,

Desparately search for me but:

"Others were more important"

I was close to tears

I close my eyes and I open them,

I see not the blotchy reflection,

Nor the endless journey ahead but:

"I see me"

Cheers to a summer that taught me a few principles:

develop infinite patience (future)
to always share and care (past)
never to give up (present)

I close my eyes and I open them,

I see things as if

I am seeing them for the first time.

Stupidity

2009-06-02T15:38:00.008+05:30

Five things you will hate doing

Telling a campus senior that you are working at a small company when you meet him on the way to PS-I
Showing the middle finger when you want to suggest the word Sensex in a game of dumb sharats
Getting down from the bus at a stop earlier than yours and then walking all the way to the next one lest people would laugh if you got back in
Drinking Espresso just because you come to a place you call office when you actually hate its taste
Explaining colleagues a topic you have just read from the net when they already know it well
Putting up unrelated stuff in the title link :)

Was I rude, was I not?

2009-05-16T11:04:00.004+05:30

I've received three ( still counting ) phone calls since morning from IDEA customer care center. College students refer to it as ICCC -> I triple C. All three callers were female. ( Fe, for short )

CALL 1 : ( 9948007356 )

Fe: Hello sir, this is from IDEA customer care.
Me: Yes please
Fe: Sir, since you are a trusted customer who have been with us for long; we are giving you a free sim card sir.

Me: We already have two add-on cards. Don't need any more, thank you!

Fe: Blah blah blah blah

Me: No thanks

Fe: Blah blah

Me: Bah

Fe: Blah

Me: Bye

Five minutes later

CALL 2 : ( 9948007362 )

Fe: Hello sir, this is from IDEA customer care.

Me: I have an extra sim card, do you want one?

Fe: Yes sir, I have an extra sim card, do you want one?

Me: Grrr. Who's this speaking? Your name please

Fe: ( something like ) Nafees

Me: Where are you talking from?

Fe: ( in a low voice ) Karkhana

Me: Where exactly?

Fe: Sir, IDEA main office.

Me: What place did you say?

Fe: Panjagutta ( in a even lower voice )

Me: Hmm

Fe: Sir, why are you asking all this?

Me: I just received a call from the same office. If you are really concerned about serving trusted customers you would've known the fact that... wlah wlah wlah wlah

Fe: Sorry sir, please don't be angry.

Me: I am not.

Fe: Your voice sounds like that. Sorry sir, we will not disturb you again.

Me: Its alright. Bye :)

I felt very awkward, because that was the first time ever I lost my cool over the phone. ( and possibly for no reason ). Poor girl, she must have been so annoyed. I was halfway through calling her back and saying sorry when...

CALL 3 : ( 9948007361 )

Me: Hello

Fe: Hello sir, this is from IDEA customer care.

Me: Yeah?

Fe: Sir, since you are a trusted customer who have been with us for long; we can give you a free sim card sir.

Me: ( GRRR ) We do not require one thank you.

Fe: Are you sure sir? We are giveing it for free!

Me: ( Resisting temptation to shout ) Oh wow! But we do not need it as of now. I will call you whenever I am in need of one.

Fe: Ok sir. Thankyou very much! Have a nice day!

Me: Thanks. Bye!

So, basically after that call I didn't even think for a second I would call back to apologize Ms. Nafees ( or whoever it was ). It was a first showering-sarcasm-over-the-phone and it was funny :D. I have learnt one thing though.

Being rude doesn't fetch anything : neither peace of mind nor an extra sim card.

And thanks to IDEA, I have my first post of the summer :)

Last night reflections

2009-05-11T18:33:00.004+05:30

Today will be my last night in VISHWAKARMA BHAWAN. A huge hostel with a great mess, its a place every BITSian would want to be some or the other time during their stay. I know that each day now till August, I will be waking up to think what breakfast / which shake ( juice) would be selling for lunch in the mess.

Second year has been a great one

Every year in our lives we come across new experiences and it strengthens our mental outlook, enhances our maturity and adds to our understanding of the world. The fact about my second year is that it has done all this but the HARD WAY. Absolutely no complaints though. For I may forget the pain or whatever but I will never let go of the lessons:

Not all people around you are your friends. Everybody thinks for their own purposes, about their own grades, about their own life and they are ready to pull you down if you are ahead.
Girls are an intelligent lot, perhaps even more than the (male) 10-pointers. They think a lot before saying anything and get pissed off at the slightest insult. Never mess around with them, neither on the phone nor while chatting.
Everybody wants a share of everything. They all (at times, including me) want to enter into every field they can. For example, I know of 9-pointers who want to show their mettle by 1) being a part of every sport: cricket, football, swimming( whether playing / viewing! ) 2) watching every movie, every series, etc that is available on LAN 3) Finally they want to be a part of poilitics as well.

Silly though they may sound its worth knowing that such things happen and that care needs to be exercised. And it explains why people say that we tend to become less careless as time passes by :). The reason is that there are many a pit holes that we discover in our path and we need to cross them carefully.

It doesn't feel as though I'm a second yearite. For one thing, I still do not know what is the (best) way to study. That is because with each passing semester I've kept changing my way of study and many a times, fortunately, it has lead to better performance. I do not know how much time it would take for an established method of study to come into picture.

Can anyine tell me who is or what an ideal second yearite should possess?

How I feel

I feel hurt, broken and unpleasantly sure that the future could be the same. But despite all injured feelings I feel good. I feel stronger, mature. And I will work to forget these hard-learned lessons of second year. Ironical? Well, yes. These (moral/immortal) lessons that all of us keep learning from time to time are not for telling future generations. They are for own selves.

Such things should never come in the thought process again. What I mean is, the next semester I will not do anything that will make me realize the same lesson again! A new lesson would be welcome but the same mistakes I shall not repeat.

As for any tensions or frustrations, I have learnt to look at them as opportunities to know thyself

My BITS Day

2009-05-11T18:27:00.004+05:30

This day holds a lot of challenge every year. As a brief overview of what I mean here's what happened when :

DATE	EXAM / TEST
May 11th, 2007	BITSAT
May 11th, 2008	WORKSHOP
May 11th, 2009	DISCRETE STRUCTURES FOR COMPUTER SCIENCE

It felt very strange as I was writing WORKSHOP exam: that only last year I was writing BITSAT and now an exam in BITS. This year also, I felt no less strange. I am just wondering now about May 11th, 2010 : NEXT IS WHAT?

Lab Test

2009-04-23T14:55:00.006+05:30

Many of the seniors had told me that a day's preparation would suffice for the lab test(EEE). It was true since the basic connection in all the experiments were very nearly the same. So, after having prepared a full night I headed for the lab test.

When we entered we saw that there were a lot of empty sheets kept on the table. Now, the experiment that each person would do will be decided by which sheet they would pick up. Fortunately, I choose to pick up a very easy one. (Potential across R-L and R-C circuits :P)

Although, it was something that could be completed in half an hour, I took that time to make my connections! I gave it over to the instructor to evaluate. He saw the connections, shook his head and said something like 'zero'. My heart stopped beating, my head went numb and I was feeling dumb. He swapped one connection and then asked me to show the circuit diagram.

I thought that I had got the circuit diagram wrong. And I told sir that I had got confused and to excuse me since there was only one mistake. In the marks column, he scribbled " - 0.5 ". Grr, what a psycho I thought. Just the one connection wrong : 0 marks and 0.5 deducted for my conduct. Grrr.

First I felt angry and then I was devastated. To think that after two months of experiments, I did not know how to put the routine connections properly. Aaah! It was too much to bear. I felt so low and there were some fifteen minutes to take the readings now. Trying, extremely hard to concentrate I managed the correct readings.

Or so I thought I got them correct. One of the readings was wrong, I did not touch the terminals properly with the volmeter wires. Grrr.

Hurriedly (in a minute or so) I finished the graph. Then I filled the tables and scribbled a few preacautions all the while wondering how the viva-voce will be.

The viva was a compensation for all the screwed up stuff that had happened until then. It went really well :). After getting the two out of three questions correct, he asked two leading qustions and I answered them around the bush, taking my time :). All in all, I managed a 8.5 / 10.

Since not many had scored more than 7, I requested sir to increase a few marks for the conncetions and that -0.5 was disturbing. He laughed his head off and told me that 0.5 marks have been deducted, phew. I felt sorry for thinking the lab assistant was a heartless psycho and went to pack my stuff. I gave a final look around the room, the last day was so eventful even if the daily experiments weren't.

Room number 2119, bye bye.

April Dates

2009-04-10T17:49:00.004+05:30

I have a habit of remembering certain dates and these are the ones that April reminds me of.

April 10th, 2005: My entrance exam for a coaching centre that had a good reputation

April 19th, 2005: The results of that exam. I got selected :D.

April 19th, 2006: My intermediate first year ( equivalent to class XIth ) results. Scored 96%.

April 8th, 2007: IIT-JEE '07

Although there were some tests at college too on these dates , they were sort of routine hence I remember only a few of them.

My experiments with classes

2009-03-16T00:07:00.005+05:30

Well I thought : " There are seven courses this semester. Is it possible to walk away with good marks in all without struggling like mad. Maybe do well in one or two courses without trying too hard. "
It was sounding sane enough till then. But:
" Maybe this is what efficiency is all about. Get good grades without having to work too hard or maybe ... maybe without attending the classes!

Yes! That's it! Hooray!

Just study on your own like a natural scientist. "

In taking decisions like these people usually try to rope in somebody or at least ask their opinion. But I was sure that it will be fine." Maybe I'll try it for only one test and see how it goes. "

Obviously, the test flopped! And things seemed worse for the quiz that followed in a fortnight. Still adamant I stayed away from the classes and lo! quiz also approached without me attending any classes. The quiz wasn't very good either, so I decided to suspend my stupid experiment and here are the conlcusions:

Never miss classes
Even if you miss, write down the notes the very same day
Write notes neatly and understand before writing so that you will be clear
Take the textbooks to the class, especially if it is problem - solving day :)
Pay attention

" Die but attend classes :P "

So, I ve learnt my lesson. If you are still not convinced you can repeat the experiment again and add a few more points to the list!

Pssst .. Funny , right? Funny because all of these things are known to us or at least we are taught when we were kindergarten kids. We knew every single do and don't. Just did not appreciate them or the pint needs to be driven into head.
Why?
Maybe because it will be helpful in the future :) .
Maybe we are to realize and learn its importance. Only after we commit silly experiments and look back do we know.
Another striking piece of evidence which suggests that life indeed lies in the small things.
Cheers!

Old Bank Setting

2009-03-07T01:06:00.004+05:30

Among the other things that give Pilani a place in the Schaum's peculiar towns of the world list, a must see is the SBBJ- Slow Banking from Babloo & Joker.

Name : Babloo

Age : 50 + ( the time when adventures start happening in Pilani vasis. )

Education : 14 yrs schooling, 4 years makhaan mein kaam, ( Delhi-6 )

Since then : at humbling Pilani

Hobbies : latest ( 1990's ) songs from the market will always be on his mind, coming in time to office, handing over withdrawl sheets to waiting customers at snail pace, speaking as slowly on the phone as possible, etc.

Latest crush : Songs by Rahman : he will ask every soul on campus to send them by bluetooth. " uske liye balance nahi lagta.. "

Mode of transport : Usually phatphatiya, or his hyabooza

Naam : Joker, aa, joker!
Age : Little younger than babloo
Hobbies : To be more updated than Babloo :P
Headline : I take my own time
Favourite dialogue : " ek minut rookiyey "
Arrival : Minimum half an hour late.
( Note : Does not talk very much )

Waiting at the bank

Some of the nuances that come with not having an ATM card is waiting in a long queue at the bank. Its very far from being fun or funny, even if Babloo kept you entertained with silly jokes.
All of a sudden I had the feeling that maybe this was just a old hindi drama show that runs everyday for screening on doordarshan. Suddenly a phone call, tring tring , I was sure it was the boss saying he was ill and the serial would end saying to be continued...

Scene 3 : ( Enter Joker )
Finally, he arrives and is immediately served a glass of water. I guessed if this tradition were to break Babloo would lose his job. Before seating himself he prays to the Lord and only then starts off with the customers.

On the one side there is the world hit by recession; people jobless and stressed out completely.

" When the tough gets going, the going gets tougher "

In India, there is this youth full of energy. It seems while sleeping they keep muttering, start-ups... I'm the next big thing. There are people who are frustrated and angry and confused.

And what do we have here... a hindi drama produced by a bank manager and his assistant...

It feels so strange that life can be so simple at times.
Maybe it should be.
Maybe India is not in the cities but its beautiful villages.
Maybe one day we all will realise that life lies not just in big achievements but also the smallest of joys make it worth living.

I Love you too?

2009-03-06T20:26:00.001+05:30

Just a second before
now. Again. And again!

I keep thinking of you,
Every moment I want to be with you,
Every step I want to walk with you.
And I feel the pain.
Not out of rejection,
nor for any attention.
But for the sweetest thing
that you have become
for me...

... my heart makes your presence felt
In your love I wish to melt...

A dream to remember

2009-03-03T23:00:00.004+05:30

The light was about to fade. Nick was sitting on the pavement a little away from the trees lest birds would mistake his hair for the mud and happily leave droppings. He wasn't waiting for anyone, quite contrary to what the air of impatience around him suggested.

His thoughts swirling like smoke were slowly turning into anger. Hatred that was no never so extreme, a feeling of emptiness; a feeling that days to come are going to be bad, aaaargghh, he was not able to bear it anymore.

He got up and walked briskly. Slowly he wandered about to the temple, not because he was a pious priest but to avoid people. On the way he thought why things were the way they were.
" I am feeling lost and finding myself all over again. But why should I find myself only after I am lost? Why am I not stirred to perform unless something shakes me up thoroughly?
I need to find the answer, the key to my salvation. I need help, lots of it. "

He felt a little better after praying. He started thinking that maybe the future will be more promising, rather will keep up to its promises. The hope, the will, the faith. These alone make things happen. And of course, God's blessings : default.

Nick woke up and he realized he was dreaming all along. He felt so cheery, he decided he will go to the temple without fail. Before leaving he scribbled on the wall chart:

" Prayer makes you see things differently and calms your nerves "

Gaon nahi mehfil hain

2009-02-19T08:05:00.002+05:30

ये पिलानी हैं
मेरे यार,
इस रेगिस्थान मैं
बस बीट्स और प्यार!

A view so similar to some of the old buildings and lanes you might recollect having seen or known. Pilani is definitely one of the strangest places because of the rich variety that it offers. Unpredictability rents the air, just like life, for example

If its not the weather, its the birds.
If its not the remoteness, its the beauty of the village that keeps one pleasantly surprised and guessing.

Life at Pilani cannot be explained, like all good places it has to be seen, felt and loved despite the fact that it does not have any 30min tourism ads nor does it boast of bearing ____

Its the time when the season changes:

the sky turns strawberry-like;
vanilla ice-cream wind becomes hot chocolaty; and
the trees garnish the long pathways with yellowing leaves.

Ah! its that one moment you would not mind waiting all your life. The beauty digging deeper and deeper in your heart to get entrenched with the memories. No wonder people say many profound memories are remembered through sight, smell or sound. Guess, the remaining ones are just another brick in the wall.

It gives you that different kind of a feel when you walk through these places for the first time. The feeling to know

how life works at this place;
the small children going to school;
the difference between your school and the ones over here ( its difficult to imagine anything better than your own school when you have studied there for twelve years )

Lastly, a lot of expectation from Delhi 6, being released tomorrow.

Not hoping for RDB magic
nor AKS tragic
but a message fantastic.

Structured Thoughts : Episode 1

2009-02-19T07:00:00.000+05:30

One of my first night outs! and a peaceful one at that. Over the last one month I kept wondering what I would do if I had an entire day to myself.

Watching a movie was definitely at the top of the list, 50% chance I would say.
While chatting, blogging and singing comprised a quarter.
The other quarter was more or less by default for studies. ( you would want to give more time, actually )

So, question arises : how was time killed? You could call it Time to kill The answers flow thus:

8pm, night before

A conspiracy in the library, whispering to each other behind those books we held in front of ourselves.

x : " Psst.. We literally have a holiday tomorrow. Most of the classes cancelled. You aware of that? "
y : " Oh yes! finally a break! phew! "
z : " Tonight's party folks. Which movie would you suggest? "

11pm, Three hours plus a few minutes later

We walked the distance from the library to our rooms feeling a little guilty about this:

There's some advice from a previous occupant which goes thus
" Keep doing something everyday to achieve your dream. "
and we did not. We planned a dreamy schedule if anything :(

1am,

Finished all the chatting and gossiping, made sure that no appointments were remaining. Made sure that people on Gtalk noticed my status message and display pic. We congratulated each other on the day's final events and set off to the all night canteen ( ANC ). A cheese burger, a samosa and a nescafe classic ( henceforth known as the USUAL ) merrily slid down the oesophagus.

3 am

When you want to watch a movie all alone on a cold wintery night you would hope that

you are as comfortable as possible and
also choose the right movie.

Don't know if Cupid struck me late or something, but I found myself going through the top 100 romantic movies. I finally found one whose synopsis sounded good and the cast was lively.

6am, after the movie:

3 hrs, you might wonder why? A thourough research goes into a movie before and after it is viewed, and hence the extra hour. The movie was fantastic and I wondered why it received only a 7.0.

7am.

To the birds outside chirping, the chowki noises and a red eyed fatso all I have to say is a very good morning, um er.., good night.

Random Thoughts : Episode 3

2009-02-14T23:19:00.000+05:30

When I woke up today I wondered if all that I have heard about Valentine's Day was true. I was not looking forward to anything nor was I hoping to find anyone. I knew that it would be like any other day and I was not to be disappointed. Still I was very apprehensive about one thing, is it perfectly alright to wish anyone? Isn't it supposed to be only for lovers to whom the greetings are conveyed?

Well, I think it should be. The day is theirs who have been in a relation or those who want to convey their love and of course, the usual darling,-I-want-to-rekindle-our-love types. Also, it would be a funny sight watching two guys laughing and chatting, and the word dostana would acquire a particularly notorious fame as a substitute for its english equivalent. Nevertheless the day is definitely meant for those in love ( or infatuation, have a crush, etc) : homo or hetero.

And so I was pleasantly shocked when everyone was wishing each other and feeling proud about it. I recovered with a fit of laughter and never looked back at the issue. Well here goes another " we " day, maybe next time...

On a more serious note, the cornucopia of realizations have started yielding conclusions and have opened up doors. To start with I would say the world works in a most peculiar way. Not exactly bad but definitely not good. In short, I hate it the way it is, but yet love its intricacies since even I am its member.

You should be very careful about certain things, losing self-esteem in front of others can leave you depressed and cowardly. Stand up to all dumbasses, they will hurt you. They will kick mud in your eyes, waste your time, insult you and enjoy your losses. The important thing is to control yourself, don't let the taunts make you react. Grow strong with every insulting word you hear; knowing how weak and immature the opponent is to have said that. But when someone else is being subjected to this kind of an emotional test, don't hesitate, stop the dumbass right there. You may look like the dumbest person on earth but remember this:
P. G. Wodehouse (1881-1975)
"Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well."
It may sound irrelevant; but to keep your head when others around you are losing theirs is a great virtue indeed.

Things like bad group behavior and overeating have stepped far away. Maybe they have found love in more reliable people :-).

Change ++

2009-02-13T21:55:00.000+05:30

" Something's seriously wrong with you." It clearly is. It most definitely is. These are the following pieces of evidence that I have gathered in an hour of hypothesis gazing past at the past thirty days or so.

(i) A sudden affinity for doing things that I so clearly told myself to avoid. One stroke of luck is that its not stagnant at all, it keeps waxing ( when there are no tests to look ahead, or on the slightest smell of a cigarette, er... holiday ) and waning ( in the eleventh hour of pending important work ).

What did I do? I found that if I looked at every single work to be done as important and gave it the highest priority, things would most certainly fall in place. The moment I postponed or showed disrespect they slipped off the track.

(ii) Going more and more silent while in a group. It has happened always and especially more so in the company of people slightly older or many in number. Call it hesitancy to expose my imbecility or call it respect, the issue stays there stuck in my throat and weird replies and expressions find place.
Is it autism??

But, I'm finding it quite comfortable to chat, text messages and to an extent talk over the phone yet my jaws freeze in a face-to-face situation, ya khuda .

(iii) Doubting if I'm any good at all. I have nothing to prove, nothing to tell... ( can also be read as ) I can do nothing, talk nothing...

(iv) After bending a few principles which are must for a good boy, I've found myself weaker and weaker. Has someone said: " Its so easy to lose what you have built over a period of time." Maybe he's right ( scratching the chin ).

(v) Not such a serious issue, but I'm growing very fat. Not a single day passes by without the inclusion of at least one of these things in my diet:

Initially:
Appy/ Frooti , small chocolates

Slowly:
Hide n' Seek biscuits, Cheese n' Onion: American style Lays chips

Steadily:
Cheese burgers, cheese pizzas ( two slices ), club sandwiches and coke/ cake at midnight ( the most dangerous time to eat these, attached with a lot of fat )

Recently:
Ice creams!!! ( Kid-style )
" An ice cream mounted with a cherry ,
Keeps the dentist counting and merry. "

Despite all the nonsense I have been doing, as always the positives struck me more important than anything else. And these run thus:
( here is what the counselling part of my brain had to say to my queries )

"

(I) Its very important to do certain things which people claim are bad. Else how will you ever differentiate between the good and the bad.
We should go to the end of the limits to know where the limits end

(II) Keeping quiet, huh? Good, you are saving energy. My friend, by keeping quiet you hone your listening skills. Being a critical listener is very important for any group discussion :-).

(III) The best way to know about yourself is to actually post-martem your thoughts. You have so much to know, so many excuses to get nusy and kicking :-).
Arise! Awake! And stop not till you reach your goal!

But, negative self-counseling can lead to depression, hence it is never advised.

(IV) Well yes some or the other dumbass would have said that. But didn't Kipling say : ...
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken
And stoop down and build 'em again with worn-out tools

All I would say is that you're becoming a man, my son.

(V) But son , if you don't eat now when the hell will you eat? AFTER PUTTING ON DENTURES??

"

So, thus these depressing thoughts have actually turned into areas to work upon for self-improvement. And,
"Work is worship"
have to remember that always. If you have read this far, then you ought to leave a comment and also answer a simple question.

Question :
How did you read the title as?
A : Change plus? Plus what... I have my calculator ready.
B : Change plus plus ( incrementing )
C : Change in the most positive sense, hence two '+' signs
D : It is written

The last option was a pure intention to market Slumdog Millionaire :-)

Random Thoughts : Episode 2

2009-02-12T19:45:00.001+05:30

Note: This post should have come immediately on the next day of the preceding post. But owing to a malicious attack on my machine and a getting-back-into-the-groove attitude, I put any thoughts of reapir postponed.

Quite contrary to the expectations of a thick fog, the weather was more or less like a day from the english country side. The sun was smiling down like a newly-wed bride peeking out from her carriage. It was in short one of those beautiful days you will want to remember your entire life.

Around four in the evening though, it seemed as though someone had turned off all lights, a dull pinkish evening greeted sleepy eyes. But every rose has its thorns and the weather brought along with it fine dust that found home in our eyes. Nonetheless, the rain had soon arrived and it had rained like a baby uncontrollably crying. The sweet scent of the land and the sight of the trees in a new yellowish light lifted our aesthetic senses higher and higher. The weather was blissful for a while and then suddenly the lights had turned back on. It was resembling the lone polling station in Leh that many newspapers had printed. The wind was so cold that it sent every single soul back into their warm razais.

But we were in for another surprise, the dusty rain resumed and turned into a hail storm. Our footballers returned from the playground looking like crestfallen Mexican farmers who had lost their crops. Nature decided to play music on the cycles that were parked outside and we kept humming along.

A day of complete turnarounds, a lot of hope pumped into a few dying souls, and a whole lot of work awaited us.

P.S. : Also today happens to be the founder's day for Nirmaan: a non-governmental, non-profit organization which lives up to its motto of My India through various forms of social service like helping the villager's earn their daily bread, teaching their kids and construct useful technology that would help them in their future.

Random Thoughts : Episode 1

2009-02-09T23:47:00.000+05:30

It was 10'o clock and an impulse was irked from the brain to respond to a tempting invitation: coffee break ( coffee's only for name, but never on the order :-) ). After a full month of minus five to plus degrees centigrade, february showed some mercy and let us keep the heavy coats aside for a while. But tonight was chilly and the wind carried the smell of fog, maybe tomorrow we would wake up to a white-curtain ( thick dense fog ) view.

My latest liking toward sandwiches, preferring them over the burgers for my own good, proved great this time around as well. Having it with Mustard sauce was almost like kissing fire, no matter, delicious on the whole. The temperature dipping, lips on fire, coke in hand...

I walked the mile gazing at the beautiful moon, she was shying behind the clouds, the wind occasionally blowing away her cover of clouds. The stars whispered good night and the wind rushed up to start playing music in my head. I took a deep breath, feeling the process of oxygen going into the lungs, deeper and deeper,at the tips of capillaries...

Bliss.

Two notorious friends celebrated their birthdays in a gap of a second. ( One of them was born on the 9th whose celebrations lasted till midnight and another on the 10th just about to kick-off. )

A very abstract way, nevertheless HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 19!!!

WINDS OF CHANGE

2009-02-09T13:35:00.000+05:30

On a sombre chilly night, my shadow walked the earth
Through the winds like a candle, lit with fresh distant memories.
Whereas I savored the magic in every moment,
My thoughts scurried around like a rodent.

Thought I knew what was predicted :
To irregularity I would soon be addicted.
But its not that bad if once in a while,
You stop to think and walk the extra mile.

'Cos things will come rushing back
To try and try, you develop the knack.
There is no decimating hard work, indubitable
Step away and watch, the realizations are ineffable.

Doing things that make you feel insecure,
For a life without boredom, that's the cure.
Emotions and experiences in life have a colossal range
But now, nothing else matters, here come the winds of change.

Note: Coincidentally, here is what the quotation of the day has to say

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

He was a great man, Mark Twain :-)

The Underdog Threat

2009-02-08T11:14:00.000+05:30

Remember Mr. Dumbass ? The idiot who thinks he knows everything but does not really understand what he knows. Who thinks that he and he alone can grasp/ talk about subject while the rest suck big time. Who believes that talking about the self will re-instill confidence not realising that boasting is the first step of character assasination.

Where are they headed? Why do they always need to keep shouting at people and insulting them on purpose? Why do they try to pick matches with the less intelligent lot or less able people? You grow only when you help out such people, stand up to face the better genre and leave not a single mark of self appraisal. There are many such people who claim the throne that can never be theirs because of the ignorance towards small things which matter the most : respect, tenderness and understanding nature. They think they are sitting pretty at the top while this is the very attitude that makes them fall into grim situations and render them the underdog status. To know that the brightest minds in the country are headed towards self-destruction and underdoghood is perhaps more saddening than any terror attacks or murders. The reason being that these kind of people potentially own the power to become both the destructor as well as the savior. They hold the key, they lock the doors, they are confused and wandering.

Whilst their internal battle will continue for another decade, lets address the underdog overhuman ( crazily termed ... just to hint at the intelligent show-off chums you have ) problem. Those clever people who talk without a hint of morality, who constantly try to make you feel inferior. What should be the best reply to all such unreasonable nincompoops ? No, its not physical violence nor haughty replies... they just expend your energy. Just keeping quiet because listen and silent are spelt with the same words.

Why keep quiet, you ask? To understand this :
" Silence is the most powerful response "

Nineteen On The Train

2009-01-11T16:07:00.000+05:30

Single-digit temperature, a crowded circle and Delhi-going buses were to be the last of the eighteenth year. A hearty discussion with a friend whilst others slept rolling from side to side, a phone call... lots of phone calls actually; and the rising sun were the first things of the last-teen year, 19. So, much for the hype, but nineteen is really special as I've come to feel in its first month.

Things you'd like to know: ranging from a variety of nonsensical topics to the coolest softwares/ products; meeting friends in an altogether new light; developing a general code of living without even knowing it and actually being responsible & thoughtful in the most tensed-up situations with a hope for change. 19 makes you see things differently and, if realizations are followed, teaches more than you could ever know rendering a new 'you'.

Yet, nineteen is nothing without its predecessor, a year that troubled and taught and lit up the spirit. November 2008: I clearly remember wishing everyone "sweet november" at midnight not knowing what one hell of a month I had tagged as sweet. Things started the very first week through fever and weakness, a burning desire to run home that never existed before, most badly performed tests and an empty feeling.
Sometimes, you just know that things are not going to be okay, that anything you do will worsen the situation and you still have to do it. But, one year at college taught hope, that its better to do something than nothing, that things will be alright and they were by november ending. December wasn't deadly because of the change in thinking that november induced yet the latter's stain-coat was weather-proof.

The journey will serve the-one-special-thing-to-do-on-your-birthday question: travel 1600KM through the country, having fun...

BACK

2009-01-11T15:32:00.000+05:30

What has changed over the last four months? Everything. A realization followed by a careless wave of the hand or a day of inactivity, a song or a movie discussion right from bathrooms to classes, friends to chill out with was the daily menu! No complaints, no regrets.
As we have seen, " if you haven't crashed yet, you are not going fast enough ".

CRASH! AND BACK...

Dhoni says, " Each day you have to start from scratch, it doesn't matter what you've done or what you are capable of doing.
It is important to keep thinking and doing. " [ He is undoubtedly one of the greatest captains ever ]

Before I end this new year preface here is a beautiful quote:

" If you are very possessive about something it is always a good idea to let go of it. "

Difficult thing to follow, but sounds wonderful to hear.
A belated Happy New Year and elated birthday wishes to friends, elephants and all the trees back home.

Dis connection

2008-11-10T13:39:00.000+05:30

75 days of great holidays. Its a shame to admit I have seen just two movies with my friends. The film industry was unable to catch in on the home-coming, having-hols and I'm-enjoying-at-home teens; bad luck to them and to us because we ended up watching the worst ones of our lives.

So on a fine Sunday morning we planned to go to Kismat Konnection, a Hindi film (mis)directed by Ass Mizer. Putting behind the blockbusters the director delivered in the yesteryears we headed to catch a bus and tore through the city in the super-fast Metro Express reaching just in time.

Wrong fact
# 1: One way of deciding how good a film is to look at how good-looking the viewers are

# 2: Tickets being sold out is indicates a blockbuster movie

Right through the movie we were treated to:

Shitty jokes
Poor storyline and direction
Worst songs and screenplay

Halfway through we understood that people are still sitting through only for the bucks they shelled. It was such a great relief to be out in the streets from the maddening movie.

Never happened like this since Sawariya.

Note: Two summers later the author had a chance to revisit those memories with I hate Love Stories.

Class Xth

2008-10-16T13:52:00.000+05:30

Changing days of life

Lots of people told me things about adolescence: something has to happen, something odd. I didn't give it a damn until something of the sort happened to me.

First thing my voice cracked or rather croaked every time I spoke. People found it so hard to adjust. Even the best of friends. So, that put me off. The teachers used to make it worse by saying, "We know how grown-up you are" even if I slightly raised voice in the class.

I was starting to lose respect for every teacher around, I got angry at the slightest of remarks. Regretted it as well because I wasn't like that before and I didn't like the change. The only classes I could really focus and like were Maths and English.

It was getting very difficult to understand what was being taught in the tuition classes. I felt like a complete moron there in front of the others. It was my first brush with peer pressure and I succumbed badly to it.

12 years at the same school with the last one blemishing. Hence leaving school wasn't painful. Actually, it excited me about the next phase instead of longing for the one gone by.

Transition.

Breakdown

2008-09-17T23:26:00.001+05:30

With a Parker pen in hand for thought,

Through the sweet scent of the land, an answer I sought...

It drives you crazy, as you discover life
If its learning, then why the strife?

True, time does find us loving ones

But as they say, every rose has its thorns...

The truth, from the ramblings of a shackled mind,
Tells you how much the world can be blind.

Twas' great to know I started to put my brain to use,
I stopped working then, that's troubling news...

Cool yet stressed, sleepy yet awake,
Putting things one after another at stake.

I'm not organized, I wondered why?
At the bottom of my heart I want to cry...

What I want, could it ever be what I deserve?
There's a lot of tension building, testing my nerve.

A little peace, a little play, a little care
Promise to pay more than the fare...

It rained today, the last beautiful thing
Told me to step ahead, requires careful thinking

Since I think positive, I will tell this to myself
If you haven't crashed yet, you are not going fast enough...

In loving memory...

2008-09-14T07:50:00.000+05:30

In the 1980's nearly fifty students thronged a particular house in order to write a serious entrance test. Only seven out of the fifty would be selected; only seven, no matter how many recommendations would come for a particular candidate or how much ever influence was showered upon Sir. All seven of them made it into the IIT's and this trend continued for fifteen years.
Nothing short of excellence. That was Bhat Sir. The passion he had for mathematics extended well beyond conventional barriers; beyond what other professors could only talk but never believe. For, he taught with such rigour, with such ease, that it was simply impossible to overlook his efforts to make the students understand the concepts. At the same time he was also curious to hear any point the students have to make. His logic was crisp. A practical and direct approach that could tackle any kind of problem and indeed build newer applications. There were loads of time in the classroom you could hear the students marvel at sir's ideas, by taking sharp breaths or making sudden gasps. Simple yet powerful he would say.

His library

Books. Books. And even more books. From the first edition to the latest edition; books from over an entire century, he would never miss the chance to search for a newer book and work out every problem from it. We had an opportunity once to see his library. On first sight it looked like a small room lined with a row of books. A closer look: In fact, it was a room lined with three to four rows of books, piled neatly from top to bottom and there were even written notes. They looked golden in the light of the bulb with his neat and precise writing.

Some of his favourites

The batches really close sir were the ones whom he had coached for IIT entrance examination, there would be altogether around two hundred students. There were many a students who have achieved great things and continue to do so. He told us that what took them ahead was commitment towards the subject and to the task at hand.

He had once advised us from his own experience:
When you want to leave a bad habit, you cannot get rid of it gradually over a period of time. You need to realize why it is bad and then leave it once and for all.

Unforgettable moments

Sir was very fluent with jokes and he believed that learning cannot take place without some breaks in between since that would refresh the mind and relax it. There were many a days when we used to recollect the jokes and roll on the ground with laughter, many a times we would want to have recorded what sir said, it was never to be.

Sir might never know how difficult it was to fight back tears on hearing he was no more, but the respect and concern we have for him in our hearts will never die. He would definitely be happy knowing that there are students out there he had taught, who have understood and appreciated mathematics....

Mr. Dhobi

2008-09-13T21:54:00.000+05:30

Functions of a dhobi ( the laundry boy ) :
i) to wash the clothes and remove the stains, if any;
ii) to iron them properly;
iii) to return them promptly to the owner and
iv) to record the entries in a register.
All of them do it here, in every hostel with a small hitch. Here are a few advertisements that may go on air in a few months from now.

1) Are your clothes blue, black or red? Do you want them clean and achieve dazzling whiteness in just two months? Presenting to you, the VK dhobi.... tantatttouw

He's gonna wring them, swing them and lash them on the ground until there is no sign of colour. And what's more, he's going to use paan-flavoured surf excel for rinsing. Aahh! the aroma of chewed-spat-away paan, pleasing your senses and driving away people for nearly ten yards around you.
"Dhobi ne paan kaya { Dhobi had betel leaves
And drove away passers-by}
aur sab ko bagaya."

2) Do you need steam-iron like ironing @ primitive iron boxes? Well' seriously; this is the only thing he does really well. Ironing! Crisp and without any wrinkles. Even underwear; but still you are supposed to avail the free paan flavour. ( Offer till semester lasts ) .

3) Have you ever played treasure hunt? Do you want to spend the first month of the year searching in other people's wardrobes? No? Well then you better try calling: 1-800-81-00-00.
Oh YA! We're gonna find your clothes in less than half-hour @ $1.75/min. Special reduction for paanwaala-dhobi @ $1.50/min. ( Paan tho vaise bhi milega saab, dhobi hai na : " dhobi is going to give anyways " ).

4) Have you ever paid for the same month over and over again? Do you have trouble remebering how many clothes you have permitted the dhobi to spoil for you? We bring you

Its sure to last you eight semesters and maybe even eighty, if you write like this!!!

@ $3.50 a month it gives you immense pleasure when the dhobi innocently asks, " Bhaiya, aaj kapdey de raho kya?"
=> { Are you giving any clothes today, brother? }

The back Wingsters

2008-09-10T20:54:00.006+05:30

We the wing

All of us had met at least one or more of the others at some point of time in 1st year but we never knew how we were going to tolerate being in the same wing. Knowing each other was a process that would have taken many years but being in the same wing it did not take us much time to find out about everyone and also a lot about ourself. Just a small introduction lest I'll be murdered ( I got to know that none of them support the Right to Write :P )

173- Lazy kc

174- Laddu the footballer

175- Muhaha... you-know-who

176- Psychological psycho

177- Smug woods

178- Mod, thinks he's God

179- Cleaning always

180- Ghotting, do not disturb

181- Spotted only in the morning

182- Wing topper

183- Fun-do Hari

184- #define MENACE

Well, we don't know if we will be in the same wing always but the memories will stand untarnished :)

hostel v/s home

2008-09-09T16:25:00.001+05:30

June, 12th:

I just finished my first year at BITS-Pilani. I have been home three times in between and now at the end of it. Its a little strange.Every time I come home I get the feeling that I have never left the place and every time I get back I feel the same about hostel. It leaves me bemused at times. Nobody wants to share the same feeling , not even my elder brother. I guess the coming years should hold an answer for this.Or is this a question of maturity?

September, 10th: Complete nonchalance. The beauty of sunrise through the window. I'm not complaining anymore.

what does it mean

2008-09-09T16:22:00.000+05:30

Well, I seem to understand why Ruskin Bond always wrote on the nostalagic issues basically because I've had things happen around me like that.
Train journeys are almost always fun, the longer journeys even more fascinating... one complete day or something like that. There are unforgettable experiences and they make us crave for more; not the episodes of Mr. ABC losing his slippers while sleeping or the coolie running away with his luggage.

1) It was December, 1996. On the train from Bengalooru to Hyderabad, my brother and I found two boys to play with: Nishtal and Zorawar. We played every possible game 7-year old's could think of, we even went on to tease each other, etc. Soon we said good night and our brief meeting came to an end in the morning aroun 5.00, I didn't remember a single thing of what had happened the night before and a wide yawn would've told you that I didn't even care.

2) 2001 ( sixth class summer hols ), there was this small boy on the Machlipatnam express ( was going to Kothagudem ) who was running around the compartment with alacrity, saying hello to every passenger aboard. It was a very funny sight. Well when it was my turn it went farther than hello's. We played the choicest of games, I ran around with him too, we shouted at the people on the roads ( something that got me into trouble a few years later ). Journey ended and he was destined to come into my memory only when I had started this blog, sorry buddy... but I do hope you would come across this...

3) TWIST:
Class seven: There was this giant of a boy called Zorawar Purohit who had flawless english ( and eyesight ), who was not from Hyderabad: something of a stranger to the rest of the class which knew that he would be gone by the end of the year. Friends soon. In the sixth month running I missed a beat when I suddenly realized that his name was actually Zorawar, the young kiddo on the train. Not wanting to wet myself with excitement, I asked him casually if he knew Nishtal. It turns out that Nishtal was actually a friend of his, not his brother as i thought. Then of course he asked me how I knew Nishtal, and the whole story came out. And guess what?? He remembers that night as much as I did. Yet again, indifferently, I let go without knowing wether I would ever see him again. Sorry mate.

4) Something the powerpuff girls wouldn't approve of:
October, 2007, AP Express. Headed to college with friends. We just got lucky that day when six of us who had booked the ticket together got upgraded to 2nd class AC. B2, i think. A small girl and her even smaller brother were on the side birth diagonally opposite, she was so mischievous.
Whenever she would wash her hands she would sprinkle the water on us. She threw banana skins at us. She tore the UNO cards we started playing with just because we weren't paying any attention. It was very difficult to take it easy and we couldn't get angry either. So atthis situation her mother, who had taken us into confidence, assures that she would be definitely awake by dinner time hands over her pretty daughter to us. Second thoughts of course, but we had no other work.
I don't know what had happened but she became very quiet and started behaving like a teddy bear saying all the cutie pie stuff; she wasn't a headache after all. We talked for sometime and before her mother woke up she had done some modern art and signed that paper with my name: something she found extremely uncomfortable as she had learnt only till G. Suffice to say that I have her name and the paper as a souvenir and have the strong belief that she will remember me.

So, the next time you are on a train: let it be a day or an hour, Do tell us your story...

That day :: 08 / 09 / 2007

2008-09-09T16:21:00.001+05:30

" अरे नीकाल देना यार| क्या फर्क पड़ेगा ?"
" Nahi bey, it will look awkward, already I'm like a hefty pig,.. lite."
" अबे सेनिओर्स ने भी बताया था ना | इस बार चोडेन्गे नहीं | सोच ले |"
" Okay, but at least you don't laugh..."

That was the discussion I had with a friend of mine before removing my moustache. The days that followed were both a combination of dread, fear and a sudden change altogether. If it happened an year prior to that, I could've been found all curled up in my room crying, perhaps, but not this time. That's because when I looked up into the mirror and reflected on what I saw, it took me a lot of time to really understand how I looked. I could'nt remember anything of how I looked before that. People in my wing were laughing their heads off but I kept mine. It was a great feeling actually ;) , to look something new... twas exactly a year ago ( or... was it yesterday?...)

"Dude a projection is missing from your sideview..." : these were the taunts from my college friends. It was odd initially but I forced myself on everyone that way. Guess, they got used to it.

Well it was a try and it kind of worked, because I've been consistent after that, experimenting with different creams, foams and aftershaves, blades and.... OK OK, I'll shut the crap up...

Oh, by the way,

did I tell you the time I

grew my beard like that of a goat and friends....

heehee

Just like that

2008-09-09T16:20:00.001+05:30

It was 10.00 pm, the rain was lashing at the ground: it was so peaceful sitting there and just listening to the rain... more like a break from conventional life. The pleasure of having an elaichi tea at this hour was more than welcome. So we head for the canteen, the borrowed money waiting to be spent, the empty feeling to be driven away and the night to last a little longer than usual.

The Discussion

At the brink of the first chapter to be studied for test:

a whole world of guilt swallowed by the tiny hope: we can do it, still... can we do it???

Really, is it impossible to score at the exam if you start off one day before or even an hour before. Isn't it an indirect insult to our memory / brain power if we are not able to grasp the one hour of subject in the class when we can recall every single shit Dr. House has to say? Damn!

Thus Assclown ( lets call him that for now ) reeled off. Basically he had absolutely no idea of what or why he was saying, but I, I think I do ( no, you'll have to wait longer for this ... really long ...)

He continued....

The feeling that there's so much to do, so little time

1) So many series to be completed, but wait there are tests ...

2) So many juniors waiting to be fucked, but they got these tests too ..

I don't know how the seniors felt about us when we laid our steps here but the juniors are getting on my nerves, dam ready to explode.. " sir, but we have bio tute tommorow, we have a chem tute tommorrow."... assholes, really!!

( Finished sipping at the tea )

What I Felt: The second year has truly been an eyeopener in many ways and it promises so much more. One of the things, perhaps the most important of all for any human, it has started a renewed way of thinking. When you know it, its like, like...

Junoon

Conclusion? { for the sake of those who survived this far };

As we set down our double teas and chewed on the chocolates,

as we moved through the canteen chock-a-block with students,

as the rain fell softly on our unshaven faces,

as the moonlight carried us back to the hostel,

as the fresh air gave us new hope ( so did the tea ),

it was as if a voice-over from the films rent the air

" NEVER Give Up"

And finally...

2008-09-09T16:17:00.000+05:30

A girl, no taller than the net of a Tennis court playing Tennis!

The exact size of a LPG cylinder, with arms and legs protruding and two pigtails on the top. She used to come to the Tennis court with the air of the top seed at the US Open, used to go for a single round around the ground. During this time, you could have easily mistaken her for a football rolling around. So, after her 'tiring' tennis practice Miss Potato goes to play in the adjoining park.
And then her experiments.

Firstly, with the swing: When she sat like a watermelon on it, her legs were well above the ground, so she comes to the edge a little bit and scraps the ground with her tiny toes... lo! she's gaining momentum ( I mean if you used a microscope you would have noticed some movement ).
She stoops a little further and finally manages to kick off. She would show the thrill on reaching the zenith saying " ammoi , ammoi ".

Secondly the slide, ( trying to climb from the other end ), more like a boulder being pushed up, hoohoo , Santa's stomach would have burst with laughter. Like a ball of snow she would slide down, finally managing to climb up.

Then with the tennis balls, she would try to estimate how high she can throw the balls up... I think the maximum she would reach was six feet but her hands would still be groping in the air for failing to give her best.

I could'nt get any photo of her, damn! Yet I hope she would get a fair idea of how she was ( hee hee )...

Gruelling Chemistry Practicals

2008-09-09T16:15:00.000+05:30

Before the start...

Group member 1: " They say its pretty tough. We should've prepared for this and come."

Group member 2: " Kukka cool mama antha scene ledu. "

Me: " He said the same thing last time. Lite. "

But it wasn't 'lite'. And we understood that sir was'nt going to spare us today when he said that we've got to do the experiment individually. We started reading the procedure as we had not read anything.
Sir( mockingly ) : " Not read, eh? Thought you'll read here. Very good, one mark cut." Well, presuming that the world was still rosy outside we started off.

Basically, the experiment was about getting acetanalide from the reaction of aniline and acetic anhydride. Then weigh the amount, take four grams out of it, recrystallize in order to obtain a pure sample.

First, we had trouble with measuring out the exact amounts of aniline ( smelly ). Then we managed to get some rashes on the wrist thanks to some of the glacial acetic acid that we dropped on ourselves while measuring it out.
When the reaction started sharp vapors issued from the flask, giving the feeling of knives being groped in the nose. It was so strong that tears came out naturally from our eyes, sir came and merely glanced at the sample and said that we left out some moisture in the flask and asked us to do it again. Some more aroma, some more tears. Then we got down to refluxing it. Some time to relax we thought. 30 minutes was the prescribed time. But, sir had other plans...

The night before we sat down uptil 3.00 in order to finish the record, the readings and the graphs. ( We knew we shouldn't have left it for the last minute. At the same time we knew that we'll be postponing it to the last minute anyways ). We did the graphs correctly enough.
He wasn't satisfied though, said it should have curved a little more, the scale was too short and the writing not neat enough. All three of us were immediately seized by a mad desire to take his head and dip it in the reaction flask.

Group member 1: "Does he expect us to write like school kids? ( Whispers ) Sir aap kounsey iskool se ho ?"

Done with the correction, he asked us to come the next day with the readings again as he was not able to look at our dirty work on such a pleasant day. If there was a test tube in my hands it would surely have cracked. " I'll take your viva at the same time... "

Back to the experiment.
We got the shit.. oops, the acetanalide, we filtered it, put it in the oven, weighed it, took 4gms; went to purify it by heating it in a conical flask on a flame and again filtered it, put it in the oven, finally weighed it. We got some 1.973 gms ( Sir : " You should get it below 2 gms" ). Two hours were up. Happily, with ash-burnt faces, we announced the result.

Sir: " Do it again. It should come close to 1.6"

Group Member 2: " Nee yebba. Savv bey nen cheyyatledd."

Somehow, we managed it again and got 1.710.

Sir : " Mmmmm. Not good enough."
Lab assistant :" Doosra class aa raha hain sir. Inko bhejna hi padega. "

Sir:" Offo. You boys are always late, next time along with the other experiment complete this..."

S.T.A.R.S.

2008-08-24T13:13:00.023+05:30

Not literally popular but definitely the notorious ones in class. Comprises:

Sushant: Filled with artistic talent and loves the word 'gang'. Looks like Dicaprio from any angle, at any time.
Tarun: Fun-loving and great company.
Akshay: ready to have a one-on-one any time. Has cooled down significantly since school.
Rishi: the ass clown is difficult to control but cannot do without.
Shyam: Dote the rest. The only times I ever spoke in school was in their company.

Level I: togetherness
The variations helped us slide in smoothly and we grouped ourselves as "STARS"
We moved together everywhere, occupied a corner of the classroom and played a lot (pranks and games) for five years.

Level II: individuality
The next level of friendship has been a little strange: more formal, words carefully chosen and insecure about each other. But in these years, we are still in the same spirits when we meet up; we have fights on the same issues and we laugh about the same old things.

Level III: being there for each other
As we mature into adults, a new cause calls upon us. Of being protective and caring about loved ones; of sharing and being together. And also perhaps of getting introduced to the new set of friends each of us now has.

Together always.

Independently....

2008-08-15T21:31:00.001+05:30

Time: 04.20 am, Date: 15th August

So what does it mean when a hosteler wakes up at 1.30 in the morning just because he's not able to gather sleep? He controls his knotty mind and tries to sleep it off but its impossible getting sleep thanks to the beats played in the hostel. Around 3.00 he decides to read his old diary entries ( although highly irregular ).

First year seems long ago but the memories are so fresh. I could imagine myself walking down the corridors, like a century ago; having a go with the aftershave; an elaichi tea at 2.00 in the morning. Parallely, childhood images crop up: this time a small boy in checked navy blue uniform and dark blue flaps staring back from an LKG photograph.

There has been a certain amount of change from 1st year: maybe this time, school's really out. Full of energy, yeah! but the thoughts bother me. Dawned to me that the usually-called 'childish thoughts' matter a lot. They are closer to the heart and the lowest level of abstraction. The system may crash but these are the thoughts that are more 'we' than we ourselves. Yeah that confuses... Shit man! its been hard.

Suffice to say that the mind is clearer when you put the thoughts down: takes time but we always tend to overestimate the problem. If we are honest, things become simpler no matter how insecure it may make us feel.

Suffice to say that there are no fixed ways of thinking: Maria Agnesi was working on a problem late into the night; then she woke up mid way through sleep and wrote down something before dozing off again. She woke up the next day wondering how she arrived at the solution :
" sustained thoughts will always stand out " .
[ For those interested, the following was the curve she scribbled

y=8a3/(x2 + 4a2 )
It came to be called " The Witch of Agnesi " ].

Suffice it to say that the bed creaks from the adjacent rooms, the music flowing down the stairs and ( maybe ) lights in a faraway place assure that I'm not the only one with these things in mind.
Time: 5.00 am.